Mira's Journal

I am at Pinewoods!

I mean, I arrived yesterday around five thirty (over 2.5 hours drive from Somerville, _oof_), but it is Saturday night of my first actual session as a camper this year. Of, I guess, four (not counting the work weekend or the crewunion).

I'm very pleased about it!

It's LCFD's spring camp, which has been running in general since 1989 or so, but at Pinewoods since 2023. Pinewoods is starting off the year Gay As Hell, since last weekend was their first camper session --the Boston Queer Tango-- and now is us, the Lavender Country and Folk Dancers.

It is _so good_ to be at an explicitly queer dance camp, full of explicitly queer people. Yes, absolutely, some of those people are the kind of weird where they have never felt misaligned about their assigned gender or are only interested in people with different genders from themself, but even the cishets are the kinds who are excited to be at a big gay camp full of lovely queer people and it makes the space _amazing_. Just...loving, open, gentle, good-hearted, and fucking funny and sexy as well.

(As I remarked to several people tonight, as I looked around the wide range of finery that is the "dress up in fancy dress or costume" Saturday evening dance, "oh no, everyone is hot and I am gay".)

I saw ballgowns, leather hot pants, loud print Hawai'in shirts, mesh tops with harnesses, at least two people with tails, and the usual evening dance array of swoopy twirly swishy fun. I myself was fairly understated, which is to say, my black-and-rainbow kilt, a formal black collared shirt and grey vest, and a loud-as-fuck rainbow bowtie. Oh, and my makeup is essentially "Furiosa, but make it gay".

Beyond the incredible highlights that are just "queer community" and "gay dancing", I am having such a lovely time with the regular programming. This morning I went to a "contra refresher" class explicitly named as a "show up and tell us what you want to work on" sort of basics class. It was being taught by Chris Ricciotti, who is an _incredible_ teacher --I quite literally sat down after it was over and frantically scribbled notes about his flawless ability to mix the dancers around and the fascinating parallels between a robin's chain and a hay.

After lunch, Chris was running a "queer dance history" panel, which was half him sharing and half open to the class. It was amazing --something like 40 people were crammed into the camphouse to hear and share their stories. I cried repeatedly --tearing up at the tales of the first time someone ever tried a skirt on (including one gentleman, at 89, doing so to show support of his trans granddaughter, and then discovering that he _loves_ skirts and immediately sought out more) and of a couple celebrating their twentieth year together, and tenth year married (and especially counting back in my head to remember that means they very well might've married the first year it was legal country-wide. Remember that the DoMA is not even ten years old.).

Mostly I cried with joy at the earnest, soppy lovefest happening back and forth at the panel between the elders, who were expressing their joy that other people are taking up the torch and keeping the community going, and the youth, who were expressing their joy that they didn't have to start from zero, that the groundwork had been laid. Everyone joyous at how far we have come, and excited to find out how far we can go.

The straights don't know what they're missing, when they box themselves up miserably into binary assignments and strict policing of their own and each other's presentation.

The only mar has been how incredibly _tired_ I am in general. But even that is coming with comfort: this afternoon I took a ninety minute nap, and I settled in to sleep while listening to the soft sound of a light rain in the nearby trees. I woke up to the delicious pounding of pouring rain on the roof of my beloved little cabin, and mama nature did me the courtesy of even ceasing shortly after so that I could walk to the dining hall without getting entirely soaked to the skin.

(Yes, the subtext is that I am once again in Kitty Alone, the best cabin in all of Pinewoods. I truly try not to be a diva about it, and I truly am grateful that I keep winding up in this perfect little paradise, where I'm so familiar with the space that unpacking is a breeze.)

So because of that, I'm off to bed now. No more rain, but the trees are gently dripping, and the moon is shining through the clouds. This is my home.

~Sor
MOOP!

It's extra help in the library time!

After the first half of the year, I got rather into the habit of expecting 0-1 students, usually on the low end of that range. But then I've had a few weeks in a row of the pre-calc teachers sending me students to make up tests and things, or do body doubling, and suddenly this week I have _three kids_ hanging out with me. Two are doing tests (one mine, one a pre-calc kid) and the third is finishing up work with me semi-helpfully remembering how limits work.

(I have not yet cynically said "I suppose you can see how often this gets used in the real world" but it's coming)

We're very much at the end of the year, and things are pretty self-paced, which means sometimes in class I can even grade a test or two. Which is good, because the major work task I have right now is, uh, grade all the tests. And everything else that is outstanding. And shake my head and sigh at the students who are obviously using AI, badly. (I miss when they were using photomath badly, at least that wasn't --as I saw someone describe genAI today-- "smarmy").

I had a fourth student arrive! I briefly had FOUR STUDENTS at once which is an absolute record for library help! This was another one of my kiddos even, and I was able to help him grasp the trig stuff he managed to miss entirely, and then throw the test at him to finish up. It will be much more successful than the two days he spent staring at it in a panic because he didn't know any trig.

***

In my real life, I have begun playing Stardew Valley (edit: no spoilers please), and decided it is the Bee's Knees. This shocks basically no one who has ever met me. Am I able to moderate my playing? I will be! But, uh, not quite yet. I need to calm down about it a little bit, or get _really_ strict about playing a day at a time and pausing in between each day to go accomplish real life tasks. (To be clear, I started it on Saturday, and finished the first day of fall yesterday, so we are moving along real nice. But also I did like eighteen hours in two days so UH.)

I'm also doing my reading (I have two days before my check-out pops for Drop of Corruption and I'm only about two thirds done), and getting ready for LCFD weekend quite soon (where hopefully I will not have an infinite amount of grading to do, although I am apparently going direct from work to my ride's house to camp. So I'm packing whatever I haven't already graded! (note to self: This means you'll be packing the work laptop, and shouldn't need to also bring your personal one).

Tonight is the high school graduation, and I've kinda just decided to go direct from school to there. This might be annoying in terms of baggage, but I think it will ultimately be fine. Worst case scenario, someone steals my work bag and I am very sad oh no.

The hardest part about Stardew Valley is that right now it feels _happy_ in a way that means I should probably talk to my therapist. Because Saturday was not otherwise particularly happy, and Sunday was better but also not exactly joyful and HM. What exactly am I looking for here? Control? Simple well definied tasks? An extremely imposed bedtime that I can't avoid no matter what? A morning routine that can always be the same followed by a variety of pleasant ways to spend the afternoon and evening?

(Sunday was good because I was helping LB move, and community is good. It's nice to get to pretend to be butch sometimes, and there was a lot of walking back and forth between old and new houses in pleasant weather. But it was also a lot of social-with-people-I-don't-know which can be fun or can be hard, and LB being extremely efficient which was actually great but then meant everything was done in like...three hours including the eating lunch at the end part. And back into my own head we go!)

***

The real answer is I'm looking for "not being burnt out" and video games can feel like that, kinda sorta sometimes. It is unfortunate that the only real cure for burnout is "rest, prolonged" and I don't get access to that until mid-July. And then I need to figure out the rest of my plans, like when I'm going to Maryland and the like. Sigh.

okay, I think I have figured that out, and also I think I'll be in town for about two weeks, assuming the timing works for my mom. Which means I should definitely _actually see people_ in MD, and also like, I dunno, go to a bells practice? Note to self, send some emails closer to. But as always, it's primarily a chance to hang out with my Cool Mom.

And then I'll have queer Scottish on the 7th, and then two full weeks of very little planned¹, and then into the school year! Huzzah!

***

We keep going. Tonight there might be ice cream. I do like that part.

~Sor

MOOP!

1: I uh. god willing and the creek don't rise, it's very little planned, but that little is a _lot_.